*disclaimer*- this post deals with breast feeding. Translation: dad, just look at the pictures and skip reading to avoid learning too much about your daughters boobs.
So after Tyson was born, I struggled (and by struggled, I mean constantly nursing/pumping while sitting in the same chair weeping and scaring the crap out of my husband) for 6 weeks trying to make enough milk for my hungry baby. This time, I was determined to have a different and more positive experience. I talked to lactation consultants before Nolan was born, started taking herbs, basically anything I could think of short of giving my girls a daily pep talk. Things started out great but at Nolan's 1 week appointment, we quickly learned that we were headed down the same road. His weight was down almost an entire pound and he was extremely jaundiced (24 on day 8 of life for those of you who are interested in the numbers). I was completely disheartened but still determined. So week two began with a bili blanket (a special light to help decrease jaundice) ...
and the pump. After a week of pumping my brains out around the clock, I sought help from a doctor who specializes in breast feeding problems. Ultimately, I found out that I am physically unable to breast feed and no amount of medications/herbs/interventions can change it. In layman's terms, my boobs have a tumbleweed rolling through them.
I won't lie, I was devastated. I preach the importance/enjoyment of breast feeding daily at my job and it seemed ironic that I wouldn't able to do it. Though it may seem silly to some, this is something I have to grieve. I am allowing myself to be sad but remembering that I am lucky to have a healthy baby...and lucky that we can afford the formula to feed him.
Luckily this face helps.