Picture it, Christmas Eve 2010 (anyone else having a Golden Girls flashback yet? Sophia Petrillo anyone?). My family is sitting in a pew for Christmas mass while Tyson makes it abundantly clear to everyone how often (read: not very) we actually make him sit through church. (I would like to take a moment to apologize to my mother. The person who sent me oodles and oodles of Holy Water when I was in Iraq. I never did figure out what to do with it all as I had no baptisms or exorcisms to perform). In my defense, I work every other weekend and when we do become organized enough to go, we typically let Tyson hang out in the staffed play room in hopes of avoiding situations like the one I'm about to describe.
Anyway, so things start out like this: Tyson is thoroughly enjoying the pre-service music by dancing up a storm. Anyone watching would have thought ACDC was playing instead of O Holy Night. Then, he somehow lost one of his toys and decided to do his impression of an inchworm to crawl under three pews to get it while making sure to smile up at every new face he met. Super. Finally things get started and Tyson is sitting still. Then...
Tyson: Mama, (while pointing to the crucifix), why is there a sideways X up there?
Me: honey that's a cross.
Tyson: who's on the cross?
Me: That's Jesus.
Tyson: That silly Jesus!!!
While this is happening, you must imagine all of the sideways glances we are receiving that clearly portray the disgust that my kid doesn't recognize Jesus by site, or understand why he is on the cross. (Come on people, we're obviously waiting until Easter for that discussion. Now is the time to stumble through the virgin birth story in hopes of avoiding any sort of question regarding the birth or the making of babies). The rest of the service was spent walking in and out and in and out of church with a little time spent hiding in the bathroom in hopes that an extra wall would muffle his volume.
I'm betting that 2011 will be even more entertaining.