What I've learned...

My cousin Jason and his wife Lisa are expecting their fist child which they celebrated at a recent baby shower. In lieu of the traditional shower games she asked us to write down anecdotes, stories etc. Anything about motherhood that made us want to share. Here's a few things that I've learned over the past year.

1. Dog snot and people snot taste surprisingly similar.

2. Every emotion (whether good or bad) is intensified.

3. Poop can tell a story.

4. Minivans are the new black.

4. Colleges should offer courses on baby equipment assembly. 

5. Going to bed at 8:30 is not only completely acceptable, but a necessity at times.

6. Walking around with stains on your clothes is unavoidable. I've developed a system of just acting surprised whenever someones feels the need to point it out. "What, I've got a stain? Gee, I wonder how long it's been there?" 

7. Flashing yourself in public does not end when breast feeding has been weaned. It continues to happen whenever your child feels the need to pull your shirt down to your naval....usually saved for a time when someone incredibly important (ie-your boss or the pope) are within eyeshot.

8. Sniffing someones butt is a regular habit....though hopefully this activity is saved for your child and him/her alone. 

9. Motherhood tends to bring a very strong urge to apologize to your own mother for any chaos and mischief that you engineered. 

10. Modesty is no longer an option...a concept that usually becomes apparent during labor after the first 5 people that you just met are now staring at your crotch.

11. With the exception of work, I haven't peed alone in a year. 

12. Motherhood is a strange dichotomy of wanting so badly to get a smidgen of time away from your child and missing him/her the second you are separated. 

13. It's the coolest, greatest, hardest job I have ever had.